antigua…very cool…was supposed to get up at five this morning to go wandering around lake atitlan but honestly i was up late having a one way conversation with julie until late and when they came knocking on my door? i was like no way…

this is one of those chill out and relax trips for fours days not some go running all over the place trips.

i dont usually bail on stuff like that but meh what can you do?

after all, i am on spring break…i start school again in seven days and this has been a great retreat from CDMEX.

although UNAM changed their class registration process and had i known i would have had three extra chill days i would have bounced to el salvador or something…but, again, what can you do?

how is antigua? beautiful…i mean really stunning…but four days is perfect here. it reminds me of my living in curacao…chill, OLD…rustic..one big fat unesco site. the hotel is VERY bro and NERD at the same time. very cool and kind of annoying…if that makes sense. the people and the food are amazing.

so, one sided relationships…let’s talk…look, i know my faults. i know how i am and i am my biggest critic. i am harder on myself than anyone. i have made HUGE mistakes and hurt people i really love and care about. i do have some regrets there and i use them to be a better person. i am genuinely a nice guy who doesnt want to hurt anyone. in the past i have tried to not hurt people by not being completely honest about intentions, goals, desires, expectations, etc. obvisouly that really didnt work.

after loosing a best friend due to my own selfish behavior i took a long look at myself and have tried to adjust.

blatant and humble and kind honesty is where i am at right now. if i feel my relationship with someone isnt going correctly, nicely or whatever i have been straight forward addressing it. no more bullshit..

the irony here, for me, is now that i am doing this i can honestly see how frustrated people had been with me in the past.

so, i met this incredible person (julie) and have been nothing but open and honest about any issues i may be having (good or bad)…more irony…not being heard is just really frustrating. i get it..i get it from my past…

i have explained myself a hundred times about where i am at and what i need to be doing and that honesty and top notch communication are where  i am at right now and it just falls on deaf ears.

i am traveling the world right now. i am in school. i am trying very hard to be a better person when it comes to my relationships. i have learned that i would rather be alone than be in a relationship where my concerns/feelings are being ignored.

it is really that simple.

no matter how many times i explain this? it gets ignored…last night was just more of the same. i am not mad but i am certainly disappointed (i actually asked her to marry me if you can believe it..me of all people going down that path) and it really bums me that it has ended up this way.

so, alone it is for a while…i am no rush to find anyone or rush headlong into something unhealthy…

so, six more weeks of spanish at unam…looking forward to it i am. the whole experience has been amazing. i have met some incredible people from all over the world. as i have said before..it has been very tough. i do have to thank katie for (many years ago) telling/showing me about this place. it has been seriously worth it.

so, back to CDMEX (district federal) tomorrow…chill in the city for a while until school starts.

oh, yeah job stuff…i have been actively looking for a new role but the world is a crazy place for jobs with my skills at the moment…so, unless something changes soon? i have been interviewing at disney in burbank but i dont know how that is going to fly. i just registered for school and they dont want to pay for relocation etc. it may be logistically hard to pull off and honestly being in school here has been a world of improvement for me.

i may be in CDMEX over the summer. a friend of mine has offered me her apartment while she goes back to the states over the summer (265/month). oh man, living alone again would be amazing. my current situation is pretty cool though. my roommates are amazing and fun and we may be going to puerto escondido over the easter break on a mexican road trip to go surfing and chill on a beach for while and that would rock if it happens.

if anything? i am finding some peace and frankly i have been looking for that for a ling time.